Rumpelstiltskin

I suppose that I really should start listening to all the things that I believe in. (as Roxette plays in the background) Although it is a cliche, lighter raising song, she does have a point. I need to start listening to my heart. I need to listen to my heart and how I feel inside. I don't ever want anyone to have to change to fit this image that I dream my perfect husband to be. One of the very few good pieces of information my grandpa ever said to me was a forward from the great Rafiki, "Never forget who you are." I don't want my boyfriend to feel like he has to change to fit the dream I have...but I am not so sure if I can date who he is. 

 Today, my boyfriend apologized to me. He admitted to being the Rumpelstiltskin I thought and feared he was. He continues to prove it more and more, and unlike in Once Upon a Time, I am not so sure if I can be his Belle. He cannot get beyond his preconceived fears built up inside his head and be a part of the relationship. It is hard on me for, as much as I try to be in the relationship, I feel myself pulling away. I don't know what to say for his walls may be too high and I'm not sure if I can climb them. I am not sure if I can even trust him, For example, it took him 5 minutes to explain to me that the very important person on the phone with him that he couldn't talk and was so secretive about was his brother...or so he says. 

 I have done a lot of reflecting today and as a woman of faith, I think I see the problem that lies in our relationship. If your relationship has no foundation, especially one with the Lord, than why are you surprised there are shaky waters? I must admit to myself, I don't know if I can identify exactly what we are founded on besides a little girls dream of a future...its only been two weeks together and I am so unsure. I now realize I should do what I should have done from the start....let the Lord lead me. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God and my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:5). 

The best piece of information I have received all  day is ironically from my not-so religious friend. She told me to pray about it and let Jesus show me if this is worth the stress..at this point I need some answers before I go crazy trying to understand. I know I have done my part, but is this coward who he is, or is he too insecure to let me see him? I hope my answer comes soon...